What I Learned About Social Networking Etiquette

I recently had a bad experience with a certain social networking site (we'll say it rhymes with Shmacebook).  The problem wasn't the site itself, but the way it is being used to push political, parenting, social, ettiquette, religious, etc etc... agendas.  I'm all for being passionate about something, have a purpose in your life, and believing in something.  A lot of the time I am envious of individuals who do, mainly because, in my own life I tend to take a half/half position on most things, and at times that feels like too much information to deal with.  Sometimes I wish I could see more things in black and white, but this is my personality, and I have to deal with who I am. 

My problem is when a person is called names, or belittled for their beliefs, or when a person is so sure about their particular method, that they somehow feel above whoever doesn't share that belief.  I wish that we as human beings could present the best information we can, and then let it go.  However, this is wishful and idealic thinking, and will never be so.  Maybe it's because I am sensitive, but if I (or someone I know) am attacked for what I do, or if I am more passively aggressively attacked (i.e. well if you don't do this then you are a bad......)  I do take it personally.  I know people who are stronger in this area of their personalities than me.  For me I tend to avoid after that.  I will not continue to squabble.  I will walk away (usually bitterly), and continue to do what I want.  I'm not talking about debating either.  True debate shouldn't get emotional.  You don't attack personally in debate.

So I took a week long internet break.  And it was kind of nice.  No gossip, no bashing, no unfriendly advice, no defensiveness.  No support either.  I did miss my social interactions.  Most of my networking is done online now, and it has many wonderful points, far more than the negative.  However, I  do get fed up from time to time, like a constant dripping of water, or being beaten to death by a strand of wet spaghetti.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  During my haitus I had a lot of time to think things over, and I came up with some points, and strategies to help me cope with this next time, and took a long look at my behavior as well.  So what did I learn, you may ask?

1.  Negativity breeds negativity:  If I post everytime I have a bad day two things will happen.  I will get support (albeit negative support) in the form of "oh you poor..."  or a bunch of :( symbols.  I'm already having a bad day to begin with, and getting reinforcement in that way doesn't help.  Besides, I believe venting is healthy, and going to a girlfriend's house, calling one of my loved friends who I have known for years, taking a walk with another mother, or crying on my husband's shoulder are much healthier ways to vent.  Which brings me to my second point.

2.  Complaining posts create laziness:  I need more people's numbers.  I have people who I can call more often, but I don't.  Because I can talk to them online.  I have neighbors I never see, because I get enough "social" interaction for myself through the internet.

3.  The internet is not my personal diary.  How many times have you almost posted something, but realized that the person you are mad at might see it, or they may know someone who will say something, or you really don't want your family to read it?:  Then you have to delete the vent. Or you look back at your posts, and realized that you complained ALOT.  People who know you may understand, but what about those people who you friended on a whim?  How do you sound to them?  How does looking back on your posts make YOU feel about yourself?  How many of us really expect everyone on our friend's list to read what we wrote?  Maybe we have a few close friend's who comment on our page daily.  Your expectations may have been to mainly share it with them, but what would it be like if everyone (76 people for me!!!!) replied to your post.  For me it would be overwhelming, and maybe even a little embarassing.

4.  Bad mouthing online spreads gossip, discontent, and furthermore it is there "forever".  Here again, it would be much better to discuss this with a trusted friend, spouse, diary, neutral party etc.  I post my creative stuff online as well.  If I ever decide to use the internet for job opportunities, then I don't want the whole world in on that personal stuff.  Although in that situation I probably create a completely different page.
Additionally, and this is the worst, if I complain about my husband, family, or friends online, then I am presenting them in a terrible light to the rest of the world.  People drive us crazy.  It is a part of life.  To take a quote from the military "Loose lips sink ships"  Something said on a whim about your loved ones is viewed by people who may not even know them.  They may form an opinion about that person, before even meeting them. 

So those are my conclusions.  To help present myself in a shinier, more polished, confident way online.  I know it's not the "authentic" me, but this isn't ME anyways.  It's a page about myself, a presentation to the world, with no "ugly pictures" of me, and easily corrected typos.  I will be trying these out and seeing what happens.  And if you don't hear from me as much online, then I will always have an ear to lend over the phone, or in person.  I leave you now with this quotation from Dolphina over at GoddessLife.

"..How many times have I been destructive or hurtful with another female classmate, coworker or friend by my own thoughts, gossip and rivalry with other women?  Unlike the open and healthy way men compete over sports and business with each other, competition with women takes on a personal nature, while maintaining a facade of being, "nice".
Whether or not it stems from sister rivalry or an insecure mother, we must resist the temptation to compete with women. If we compete with other women over men, looks, jobs, clothes and children, we are dooming ourselves to a lifetime of perpetual insecurity.  Sometimes the rivalry is reversed and we apologize for our own successes, fearing our friend will interpret our accomplishment as her own defeat. Seeing our lives as a grand contest among women is exhausting and robs us of the chance to make women our allies.
Who better than other women to understand what we are going through - on the job, with men, in friendships, with our family?  With whom should we join together for women's causes?  But we cannot expect other women to join us in a powerful sisterhood if we are continually reminding ourselves that these very women are our enemies..."

http://www.goddesslife.com/women-unite-lessons-i-learned-from-cheating-with-my-yoga-teacher