A Large Update and What I Am Doing

First off an explanation.  I named my blog "An Imperfect Woman's World" because that is what I am.  I will NEVER be the best woman, wife, mom, cook, employee, lover, house cleaner, friend, pet owner, blogger, gardener, crocheter, runner, dancer, seamstress etc...etc......

And you know what.  I'm ok with that.  I realize that where I excel in one area of my life, another area is lacking.  To find balance I have to give up the idea of perfection, and realize that a little bit in each area everyday is the way to find harmony.

With that in mind here is a very large update of what is going on in my life right now:

Update

We are officially being discharged from the Coast Guard at the end of June.  We will be leaving New England, and returning to the Pacific Northwest.  I was hoping to return to my hometown, but it looks like that is not in the cards right now.  At best we will be two hours away from it.  This is heartbreaking, but I am trying to look on the upside that at least it is closer than we are now.

Family

I don't like to post about my children because although I have ideas about the kind of mom I would like to be, each day is a different struggle.  Also, I like to keep my children off of this blog, and really I have no idea of what KIND of parent I am, if you can even classify parenting into a category.  My husband and I were relying on the military to schedule our move, however it has been decided that a do it yourself move would be more beneficial.  This is putting a lot of stress on us right now.  We're talking, and trying to roll with the punches as best we can.

ME

I have never really talked about this on the blog before, but I am still battling depression, panic disorder, and an extreme phobia of illness (even minor ones).  I made the decision in February to finally start fighting after 17 years of suppressing, and at best it has been a roller coaster of emotion, and self-examination.  The move is definitely getting in the way of my recovery, as is the worry of a lapse in health insurance, and the putting off of desensitization therapy, which I was really gung ho about getting started.

Food

Honestly I have been on a bit of a cooking strike since finding out we were getting out.  Maybe that will change before we leave, or maybe there isn't much point right now with everything we have going on.

Dance

Following a long stomach virus, severe weight loss, treating the anxiety, and a long recovery from a rib injury, and an emergency surgery that my dance instructor had to go through, I am finally back to dancing regularly.  I am working on a choreography with the wonderful dancer Zabel, interpreting my struggle, and recovery from anxiety.  The experience so far has been very empowering.  I also have two punches left in my card with the talented Melina of Daughter's of Rhea in Waltham, MA that I need to use up.  And starting July 9th I will be resuming classes at Yoga By Donation in Portsmouth, NH until the date we leave.

Crochet

I mentioned in my last post Belly Dance and Crochet that I had finished 4 dance belts. I have been crocheting hip belts using only natural materials, for the lovely Zabel, in exchange for private lessons.  I am starting on another set of those belts, and have been researching different crochet stitches online to change things up.  Zabel will be vending my belts, and possible barefoot sandals at belly dance events, and I am very excited to be working with her, and getting my name out there.  I'm not sure where it will go from there, but maybe it will mean displaying my work at another dance studio where we move to, continuing to work with Zabel through Skype, and PayPal, or even starting an Etsy shop.  For more information about my belly dance inspiration, and crochet inspiration click on the Pinterest link above, and for more information about Zabel in New England visit http://zabelbellydance.com/

 

Regular Barefoot Sandals and Medium Fun Belt Modeled by Zabel

Gardening

I gave away all of my seedlings to my neighbors on base except the tomatoes, and eggplant which will be going today or tomorrow hopefully.  The snap peas; which I planted 32 of outdoors, have yielded 12 plants, and the romaine; which I planted 12 of, have yielded 5 plants.  I am not sure if they will be ready for harvest before it is time to leave.  I plan on starting over next year, with my leftover seeds, and also planting a few new seeds, and starting some seedlings indoors as well to supplement those that don't take.  It has been the beginning of a learning experience, and I will miss seeing how this year would have turned out.  Other than that I have given away my potted plants, and have been deadheading, and weeding the flowers in ground until the time we leave.  I have been paying special attention to this shrub:

which I planted on the day of my Dad's death in remembrance of him.  It bloomed with the prettiest, tiny white flowers, and was a great comfort to me.

Sewing

I will be finishing up a six week sewing class this Saturday, and hopefully will finish my first article of clothing on that day.  I hope to continue learning to sew, upcycle, work with patterns, make alterations, and mend at the next place we live.

Blogging

I gave the blog a makeover into a simpler, and prettier template via Blogger.  I think the paint splotches really highlight the blogs theme, and while pink isn't my first choice, I do think it has a cleaner look now.  I hope to revamp the blog, learn more about HTML, and working with GIMP or Picasa, and gain more readership at a later date.  Now I am sharing my projects with my friends on Facebook (which is private) and on Pinterest, and have been pleasantly surprised at a few repins!

Health

I downloaded the C25K app on my Iphone, and will be doing Day 3 next.  I also walk my dog once a week for 2-3 miles with a friend of mine, and there is also the belly dancing.  I hope to in the future to quit smoking again, and eat healthier since I would still like to lose about 15 more pounds.



How I Plan My Menu-MENU THEMES

Image Source: http://www.stuffosaurus.com/c/fat-pride-humor/

A lot of the experience that I gain is applied to the cooking I do for my family at home. Some places I have worked at had a theme for each day of the week, that still allowed for some deviation and inspiration.  I like the idea of organization and having a set, albeit, easily adaptable schedule.  Here are the guidelines I usually go by when planning my grocery shopping:

MONDAY:  Kid Friendly Night, Sandwiches, Soup, Salads, Easy Meals

TUESDAY:  Mexican, Southwest, Central American, Southern

WEDNESDAY: Seafood, Shellfish

THURSDAY: Indian, Chinese, Thai, Japanese

FRIDAY: Fish Night

SATURDAY:  Italian, Greek, Mediterranean

SUNDAY:  Comfort Food, Indulgences, and some kind of Baked Good



What I Learned About Social Networking Etiquette

I recently had a bad experience with a certain social networking site (we'll say it rhymes with Shmacebook).  The problem wasn't the site itself, but the way it is being used to push political, parenting, social, ettiquette, religious, etc etc... agendas.  I'm all for being passionate about something, have a purpose in your life, and believing in something.  A lot of the time I am envious of individuals who do, mainly because, in my own life I tend to take a half/half position on most things, and at times that feels like too much information to deal with.  Sometimes I wish I could see more things in black and white, but this is my personality, and I have to deal with who I am. 

My problem is when a person is called names, or belittled for their beliefs, or when a person is so sure about their particular method, that they somehow feel above whoever doesn't share that belief.  I wish that we as human beings could present the best information we can, and then let it go.  However, this is wishful and idealic thinking, and will never be so.  Maybe it's because I am sensitive, but if I (or someone I know) am attacked for what I do, or if I am more passively aggressively attacked (i.e. well if you don't do this then you are a bad......)  I do take it personally.  I know people who are stronger in this area of their personalities than me.  For me I tend to avoid after that.  I will not continue to squabble.  I will walk away (usually bitterly), and continue to do what I want.  I'm not talking about debating either.  True debate shouldn't get emotional.  You don't attack personally in debate.

So I took a week long internet break.  And it was kind of nice.  No gossip, no bashing, no unfriendly advice, no defensiveness.  No support either.  I did miss my social interactions.  Most of my networking is done online now, and it has many wonderful points, far more than the negative.  However, I  do get fed up from time to time, like a constant dripping of water, or being beaten to death by a strand of wet spaghetti.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  During my haitus I had a lot of time to think things over, and I came up with some points, and strategies to help me cope with this next time, and took a long look at my behavior as well.  So what did I learn, you may ask?

1.  Negativity breeds negativity:  If I post everytime I have a bad day two things will happen.  I will get support (albeit negative support) in the form of "oh you poor..."  or a bunch of :( symbols.  I'm already having a bad day to begin with, and getting reinforcement in that way doesn't help.  Besides, I believe venting is healthy, and going to a girlfriend's house, calling one of my loved friends who I have known for years, taking a walk with another mother, or crying on my husband's shoulder are much healthier ways to vent.  Which brings me to my second point.

2.  Complaining posts create laziness:  I need more people's numbers.  I have people who I can call more often, but I don't.  Because I can talk to them online.  I have neighbors I never see, because I get enough "social" interaction for myself through the internet.

3.  The internet is not my personal diary.  How many times have you almost posted something, but realized that the person you are mad at might see it, or they may know someone who will say something, or you really don't want your family to read it?:  Then you have to delete the vent. Or you look back at your posts, and realized that you complained ALOT.  People who know you may understand, but what about those people who you friended on a whim?  How do you sound to them?  How does looking back on your posts make YOU feel about yourself?  How many of us really expect everyone on our friend's list to read what we wrote?  Maybe we have a few close friend's who comment on our page daily.  Your expectations may have been to mainly share it with them, but what would it be like if everyone (76 people for me!!!!) replied to your post.  For me it would be overwhelming, and maybe even a little embarassing.

4.  Bad mouthing online spreads gossip, discontent, and furthermore it is there "forever".  Here again, it would be much better to discuss this with a trusted friend, spouse, diary, neutral party etc.  I post my creative stuff online as well.  If I ever decide to use the internet for job opportunities, then I don't want the whole world in on that personal stuff.  Although in that situation I probably create a completely different page.
Additionally, and this is the worst, if I complain about my husband, family, or friends online, then I am presenting them in a terrible light to the rest of the world.  People drive us crazy.  It is a part of life.  To take a quote from the military "Loose lips sink ships"  Something said on a whim about your loved ones is viewed by people who may not even know them.  They may form an opinion about that person, before even meeting them. 

So those are my conclusions.  To help present myself in a shinier, more polished, confident way online.  I know it's not the "authentic" me, but this isn't ME anyways.  It's a page about myself, a presentation to the world, with no "ugly pictures" of me, and easily corrected typos.  I will be trying these out and seeing what happens.  And if you don't hear from me as much online, then I will always have an ear to lend over the phone, or in person.  I leave you now with this quotation from Dolphina over at GoddessLife.

"..How many times have I been destructive or hurtful with another female classmate, coworker or friend by my own thoughts, gossip and rivalry with other women?  Unlike the open and healthy way men compete over sports and business with each other, competition with women takes on a personal nature, while maintaining a facade of being, "nice".
Whether or not it stems from sister rivalry or an insecure mother, we must resist the temptation to compete with women. If we compete with other women over men, looks, jobs, clothes and children, we are dooming ourselves to a lifetime of perpetual insecurity.  Sometimes the rivalry is reversed and we apologize for our own successes, fearing our friend will interpret our accomplishment as her own defeat. Seeing our lives as a grand contest among women is exhausting and robs us of the chance to make women our allies.
Who better than other women to understand what we are going through - on the job, with men, in friendships, with our family?  With whom should we join together for women's causes?  But we cannot expect other women to join us in a powerful sisterhood if we are continually reminding ourselves that these very women are our enemies..."

http://www.goddesslife.com/women-unite-lessons-i-learned-from-cheating-with-my-yoga-teacher

Am I Too Old....

A little background first. My father was an older man who had a very rare illness (go to http://www.alpha1.org/ to learn more), because of my experiences I told myself I would have my kids young.  My cut-off age is thirty.  Pregnant by twenty-nine.  Give birth by thirty.  No more babies after that.  The dilemma is that there is a big age gap between my first two kids (one is 2 and the other is 9) and I would like to have another child, but I only technically have this year and the next and then done.  No more.  I'm not sure if I'm ready though. I had an emotionally trying pregnancy and have worked hard over the past 2 years to overcome that, and my second child was a VERY difficult baby. So I guess the dilemma is do I go against a very strong conviction that has been with me for years, and wait until I am ready, but possibly live with the regrets of having another child "too late", or do I get pregnant now even though I really don't want to and may not be emotionally ready to.  Let me just say I am very convicted about the over 30 thing, mainly because of my upbringing.  There are two very strong emotions at play here and it feels like time is running out. Any of you have a similar timeline of when it is too late to have kids, and do you have any specific reasons for it?